December 1, 2000 - Friday
December 2, 2000 - Saturday
|So, I was thinking 'bout something... can I ask you a candid question? When you wrote me, it was from that hotjock screen name and you said you were "HORNY!" and we could maybe "hook up". In California language, "hook up" means meet for sex, and a guy with a name like hotjock would be looking for sex. I guess, there's no way to ask it without it coming out "bad", but are you somewhat of a player (aka "ho")? I mean, besides that first e-mail, you've given me no indication of "slutdom" but that first one makes a boy wonder.|
Anyway, just something I've been wondering about...
|When i first emailed u, i didn't know what to write. I wanted to sound nice and interesting at the same time. I didn't know what else to say. I can say that "hook up" in cali and Kentucky means the same! LOL! I've only been with one guy (no dates, just hook-ups for hot sex). But that was back this summer, don't see him anymore. Trust me, i don't wanna sound like a HORN DOG, (wink) but..... when i see your pics, there's more that rises than my heart rate! It's throbbin right now!|
And after I talked to u on the phone, and we've emailed and stuff, learnin more about each other, i realized it could lead to more than sex! Can i tell u somethin without u gettin mad? I hope it does lead to more than sex! I know the sex would be HOT AND GREAT!!! and i also know that i want to know u alot more than just how much u moan in bed, i'm kinda afraid to say it cause i don't want u to be mad at me....... I've never been this interested in ANYBODY before. There, i said it. I can't quit thinkin of u, you're on my mind all the time, some nights i can't sleep, what's that mean? The funny thing is, we ain't even met yet.
Talk to ya tonite? Please?
Me mad because you want to know me for something other than sex? Never... actually, I'm pretty much a slow mover in that department. In fact, if I hadn't thought that you were David or someone jerking my chain, I probably wouldn't have even responded as meeting for sex just isn't my thing. Not to sound conceited, but I've got enough really nice cute guys that want to date me that I have no reason to meet someone just for sex... As you may be able to imagine, near perfect bodies are a dime a dozen here in L.A., you can literally order them like pizza for whatever you want to do, but I've always been the old fashioned boy at heart. I need to connect with the guy both mentally and physically... I mean, if I don't think someone's a worthwhile person, even if he has a bod of a god or whatever, it's not going to happen. I've had dates, too many to count, where I could have had sex with the guy, but I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere or where I thought his physical body was attractive but didn't like really respect him. All those times I've passed. It's not the easiest thing, mind you, as sometimes you're just really horny, but I have to keep myself respectable in my mind, and I have to respect him as a whole, and I guess in that regard, I am a little self-righteous. I could easily take the skank road, but I don't... and I hold my friends to the same level. So, if you're interested in me, you're gonna have to take me on a nice respectable date; you know, dinner and a movie. And you're liable to get nothing more than a quick kiss the first night.
Don't get me wrong... you writing about how more than your heart rate was rising caused more than my heart rate to rise, if you get my drift, but it's just important that you know that I ain't gonna put out on the first date. *grin*
Now, don't feel bad... being gay in Kentucky is rough. As opposed to the straight kids who just get to date and have it progress normally, a gay boy's faced with all kinds of more subversive options; like meeting for sex. It's just part of not liking the fact that you're gay. You'll get over it; I promise. I was lucky in that regard. I came out to my folks when I was still in high school, and they took it fine... they took it GREAT! So, for as long as I can remember, I've always liked myself, at least in regards to being gay. Indeed, now, if someone offered me a magic pill to make me straight, I wouldn't take it. You'll get to that point... I've just got a bit of a head start on ya... about six years. ;-)
OK, now I'm slightly worried that you'll take all this badly, that you'll think that I think you're a bad person, but I don't. If I did, I surely wouldn't be writing you this big ass e-mail, now would I? And I'm still VERY MUCH looking forward to talking to you later tonight and meeting you when I get back to Kentucky.
Talk to you soon,
Scott: i was afraid
Scott: if i said i was lookin for more than sex, you'd get mad
Scott: i was scared to say anything
Scott: i'd been thinkin........
Scott: i thought, if he thinks
Scott: that we're gonna fuck as soon as we meet,
Scott: i don't wanna let him down if he wants it,
Scott: but if knew what i wanted, he won't speak to me
Justin: but, all I can tell you is that two guys dating can be EXACTLY like a heterosexual couple dating
Scott: i know about the dating
Scott: i picture..........
Scott: christmas comin up,
Scott: i'd like to spoil somebody
Scott: u know, get presents for him
Justin: well... I didn't want to tell you as I don't want you to feel the need to reciprocate, but I just got back from the mall... where I picked up a couple goodies for you
Scott: u didn't have to do that
Scott: really man
Justin: yeah, I know... the point is that it's just like boys and girls dating
Justin: there's really no difference
Scott: then i gotta do some shoppin for u saturday
Justin: no, that's why I wasn't gonna tell ya
Justin: I wasn't buying you anything just so you'd get me something
Scott: i want to
Scott: i know man
Justin: I was just buying it as a little, I don't know, present
Scott: but you are such a nice guy
Scott: just let me, ok?
Justin: but nothing big
Justin: no more than $30 AT MOST!
Scott: thanks for lettin me do this
Justin: do what?
Scott: this messenger thing
Justin: definitely... just glad you finally got it installed and working
Scott: we only got email, this, and occasional calls
Scott: wish i could do more
Justin: you're so sweet in a sorta backwards way
Justin: I mean, I've never had anyone apologize because he wanted me for something more than a sex object.
Justin: or worry that I'd get mad if he liked me as more than just a fuck buddy
Scott: that's just me
Scott: if u want me, that's what you'll get
Justin: so, it's sorta flattering that you thought of me as a sex object
Justin: but at the same time, backwards 'cause most are worried that I'll perceive them as being too interested in sex and not me
Scott: oh, i thought u mean i was retarded
Scott: or too much of a hick
Justin: no... just that it's the reverse of how it's gone every other time in my life
Justin: that's the backwards part
Scott: oh, i got it now
Scott: i'm just slow
Justin: no prob.
December 5, 2000 - Tuesday
December 6, 2000 - Wednesday
December 8, 2000 - Friday
|Subject: What's the story?|
Hey... what's the story? I haven't heard from ya since Sunday, when I was guilt-tripping ya into sending me some more pictures, and I know you're busy and all, but you ain't even got five minutes to drop me an e-mail? Like I said before, I'm a prefer-lots-of-attention type of guy, but I know you're busy, so I'm cutting ya some slack. ;-) But still, I need SOMETHING! *grin*
So, tell me to fuck off. Tell me you're back in the closet so far that you can't even e-mail me a little "hey" every day. Tell me something, so I know what's going on, k?
P.S. 2 weeks from today I'll be in Kentucky!
|Subject: E-mail/Cell Phone Working? Alternative communication...|
Hey there... let me know if you're getting this, 'cause it's been a while since I heard back from you and your cell phone's not responding either. Maybe the snow back there is playing havoc with communications. I know David talks all the time about how the Internet is down at school.
Anyway, if you can read this but can't respond back, I just wanted to let you know that I found your address on ##### #### Road in ##########, Mr. #### Scott ########. (Everybody goes by their middle name in Kentucky; me, too: in Kentucky, everyone calls me "Clay") ;-)
So, anyway, like I was saying, I found your address so I'll just head on over your way I guess Wednesday or Thursday, the 20th or 21st, and pick you up to go to Lexington shopping or something. I've got your home number, too, so if the cell phone doesn't work before then, I'll try to give ya a call at the house. You said you were going to tell your mom that you'd be hanging out with your friend Justin over the holiday, so I don't think it'll be a problem if I call or show up.
But hey, do let me know if you get this. My number again is 213-###-#### or you could always just e-mail me back here. ;)
Hope to talk to you soon... and I'll see ya in less than 2 weeks!
|Hey, i've been sick lately. I don't know how the hell u got my address adn phone number here at the house, BUT THAT'S PERSONAL IFORMATION. I DON'T APPRECIATE THAT! DO NOT EVER CALL THIS HOUSE! I NEVER GAVE MY HOME PHONE, AND NOW YOU'RE FREAKIN ME OUT! JUST BACK OFF.|
|Subject: I'm lost...|
Sorry I freaked you out. I hadn't heard from ya in like a week. I thought maybe all communication in ########## had gone down or something. I mean, you said in your last e-mail that I should e-mail ya back and that you'd send picts, but then you just disappeared. Nearly a week later, still no responses to my e-mails and your cell phone never was answered. The guy that was saying that he found me more attractive than anybody ever just up and disappeared. I thought about how I could meet ya if you couldn't respond and decided to look at four11.com to see if your address/phone number were listed. They were, so I figured I'd just call you at your house, or show up and we could take it from there. I wasn't trying to freak you out. I'm sorry.
>I DON'T APPRECIATE THAT!
I'm lost... why don't you appreciate it? I was just trying to meet YOU. (duh! *grin*) And you did say that you were going to tell your mom that you'd be hanging with your friend Justin over the holiday break.
>JUST BACK OFF.
I'm not obsessing over you, which is what I think you think now. I've been hanging out with friends and all, but I really liked getting your e-mails, and playful picts, and everything. I just wanna know what's been going through your head. ;-)
So it's a little rough hearing "back off" after I haven't heard anything out of ya for a week. Tell me, honestly, what's been going through your head for the last week.