October 2, 2000 - Monday
October 10, 2000 - Tuesday
|Subject: Expectations, $$, and Sleeping Bags...|
So... I should probably do some French homework. I'm going to move my computer over to the desk today... I think. ;-)
Sorry to be a "downer" this morning (err "afternoon")... I just don't want there to be any miscommunication and if expectations are set too high, they'll never be met. Just look at it as an AMAZING weekend in Los Angeles, all expenses paid. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm having to force myself NOT to plan every last detail so it'll be non-stop fun... just in case you can't come, but I SOOOOO want to plan everything out. Universal Citywalk on Friday, Knott's Scary Farm on Saturday night, Dinner with Noam on Sunday night, etc. ;-) In fact, I would be ordering the tickets today for Saturday night at Knott's Scary Farm as they may very likely sell out.
So... anyway, talk to you soon,
|Subject: Piss, vinegar, and friendship|
RESPONSE TO POINT #1
Maybe things are a bit high-strung right now. I know we've both been careful to avoid such a situation, as we both know the consequences of those things. I worried about that with you being all gung-ho to have me over so spontaneously. But, I just saw it as an exploration and you had the money to burn. (Bad phrase to use, but you know what I mean.) If I have the wrong impression, let me know. I don't feel as though I'm "too attached to you." In all honesty, I am attracted to you. That's never been a secret I think. :-) Anyways, it did strike me odd that I felt so miserable about not wanting to come/backing out on you for a while last night, but I think that was more than just my attraction to you though. On a different note, I, too, expect to have a wonderful time. haha The Hanted Field of Blood (or whatever it is) sounds so freakin' cool!! I honestly just want to come out to hang with you, and see if there's a chemistry. If there is, there is; if there's not, there's not. Despite what you may think, I don't think you're irresistible. I can't assure you either way about how I really feel about you or what my true motives are; you're just going to have to have faith in me, and I will do the same for you.
RESPONSE TO POINT #2
I feel horrible at that.... You've given me so damn much already, but why?.... That makes me question you a bit, your motives and such. But, I'm going on faith that its just the fact that you can do it and you want to. I appreciate all you've/you're doing for me, but I can't help but feel that I'm not worth that much to you. (What brought the $120 on anyways?)
RESPONSE TO POINT #3
While I had given thought to the "sleeping with each other" idea, I never realistically considered it. Way too fast, way too soon. We're just friends right now anyways. (I don't mind sleeping in the sleeping bag btw.) :-) (Wouldn't want to put the city-slicker out of his bed and on the hard ground....) Did you expect that I would want to sleep with you?
You've not been a downer in any way today. You've reassured me in some senses, so this was a good letter. Right now, we're both being playing defense just in case this blows up, but that's alright. That's what we're programmed to do.
Now's my chance to voice my concerns though. I see you as being potentially controlling/manipulative. Those may be too strong of words, but I felt like you were bullying me to stand up to my mom last night. And while I didn't appreciate the way you instigated the situation, I understood what you were saying, and I did appreciate the underlying thought of it.
And, what I was trying to say last night is that I don't want to be lumped in with "all the other guys" or "all the other closet cases" because I don't feel as though I'm one of "them." Maybe I just like telling myself that, but that's the way I feel. I know the situation with my mom may seem "childish" to you, but there's a hell of a lot you don't know about my situation. Its not all the same across the board. I hope you realize this and don't hold me to some expectations in another sense. haha Now I'm worrying about my letter being a downer.
And the thing that pissed me off the most was when you sort of called me a liar. All I ask is that you not pass judgement on me. I haven't told you in any shape or form that you're "right" or "wrong" for leading your life in any way. Just give me the same courtesy.
So, that's it in a nutshell. I guess I'll let you read it and we'll discuss it. Talk to you in a sec.
October 12, 2000 - Thursday
October 12, 2000 - Thursday
October 16, 2000 - Monday
October 19, 2000 - Thursday
October 25, 2000 - Wednesday
|Subject: Just curious...|
Is this you? Just curious.... saw the banner and was somewhat surprised.
October 28, 2000 - Saturday
October 29, 2000 - Sunday