My life... February 1995

February 2, 1995

Today I thought I'd be nice to a fellow student by going to get my hair cut at the Blaine school of hair design. My friends (Adam and John mainly) had warned me that I shouldn't go; that $2.88 was just way too low for a good haircut. But I thought I'd be brave. So I went to the hair place and filled out a form... I then had to sign a release form on the back. AHH!! I waited for my name to be called and then went back with this nice young lady. As I sat in the chair for over an hour (yes, it was literally over an hour) I listened to her talk about how she was going to work on Newbury Street (big time hair place) one day and how she had four more months there and how she had to commute and how .... Plus, with every thing she said, she added, "You know what I mean?" I had never encountered an actual person (i.e. not on t.v.) who said that after every phrase, so I wasn't sure whether to say, "Yes" or nothing at all.

So, as time slowly passed, I noticed that she was cutting more and more of my hair off. She'd asked at the beginning, "about half an inch?" and I said yes. But the hair laying on my apron was more than two inches long!!! I couldn't believe it. I felt like just saying, "Stop cutting my hair!! You're ruining it," but I didn't. I sat there and watched my hair disappear.

Eventually I got out of there with a little of my hair intact, but not before she cut the tops of my ears with the clippers. It now looks horrible.... Suffice it to say that I won't be adding my picture to these pages any time some.

February 10, 1995

Boy did tonight improve my life... ya know, I was pretty desperate and having a miserable time in the romance department as of late, but tonight I can actually say that I know what it's like to feel wanted by tons of men!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, Adam and I went separately together to a gay dance at MIT. We got there at like 9:30 (It was scheduled to start at 9... hey we're new at this) and no one was there. So we leave and found a nearby Burger King. We then go back to the MIT center at around 10:20 and go inside to find a few people (about 10-15) but none that looked any good.

So we stand around leaning on ceiling supports and then finally started to dance together.

We dance for a while, a long while, and then I saw Steve, the president of the Boston U. LGBA arrive. So I go talk to him. (He got there at about 11)

So I told him of how I'd been thinking of asking someone to dance, but hadn't had the courage to do it. We talked of other nonsense stuff and then I start to dance with Adam. --Yes, I'm getting to the good stuff.

As we're dancing, I notice a redheaded guy keeps getting closer and closer while giving me the eye. Adam tells me to go after him. So I say "ok" then walk over to him, say "Wanna dance?" and he said yes and then we danced. He smiled the entire time and talked with me some. Found out that he was an MIT 2nd year grad. student working with ceramics, his name was Boora, and he was from Turkey.

I didn't know how to ditch him, so I had Adam come over and dance with us. Steve joined as well and then when the song was over, I walked towards the doorway, with Steve and Adam in tow... Boora didn't follow.

Ta Dum...
Next guy...

So, we hang out for a while in the lobby, just listening to a guy (Nathan) talk about his past conquests and such.

We three (Adam, Steve, & I) go back inside and stand next to the ceiling supports. Steve wanted to ask a guy to dance, but was reluctant so Adam and I gave him some encouragement... he asked him to dance and he said no. (I felt bad for Steve... duh)

So then I see this blond guy who has this weird look of innocence to him. Turns out, it was the look of drunkenness, but anyway so I went over to him and asked if he wanted to dance. He said that he would, but was drunk. He asked me if I wanted to sit down, I did and we talked, but eventually I decided that I didn't really want a drunk for my next romantic interest.

While we're sitting there talking, this guy (Mark) says "Your friend's staring at us." So I look up and see Adam looking straight at us.

So I motion for him to come over. Adam introduces himself and then Mark sees some friends of his, Kit and another girl. Everyone started talking. I meanwhile, after deciding that I didn't want him, left saying that if he decided he wanted to dance, to let me know.

Adam stayed... I went back to Steve and told him I couldn't figure out why Adam stayed when I left. Steve told me that Mark was the guy that Adam had been checking out all night, and how I just went right up to him and asked him to dance. For the entire night, I was like, "So what, at the most, whoever I'm asking to dance could say 'no.'" so I couldn't figure out why Steve and Adam were having such a hard time asking people to dance.

So, Adam continues to talk to Mark and I decide to do some further scoping... I talk to Steve and then a few minutes later Mark grabs me and says that he's dancing now. So he, the girl, Kit, and Adam dance for a while.

But wait, during this whole time, I see this one guy who both Adam and I think looks pretty nice. I was going to ask him to dance, but Adam told me that he was out of my league, so, not wanting to really test it, and not having a good opportunity to ask him, never did... but more on that later.

So I see this other guy wearing solid black who I thought looked nice and wanted to ask to dance but he was with two girls the entire night. Finally, he was outside in the lobby just standing with them. So I go up and ask if he wants to dance. He says sure and we dance for the rest of the party. (about 20-30 minutes) I give him (Wayne) my e-mail address and we part ways... turns out he lives in New York City and was visiting those two girls so I doubt I'll see him much. Oh, and he goes to Columbia if that matters for anything.

But wait, during this time with Wayne, Mark finds me and starts dancing with us. I just about die when Adam keeps staring at me as I have Wayne on one side and Mark on the other while he and Steve stood next to each other alone holding up the ceiling posts. Mark leaves to go dance with his friends while we continue.

Okay, so then dance is over and Wayne leaves. But then there's an after-dance party. On my way out of the auditorium, though, I get caught by Mark who asks what I'm doing now and I explain that Adam and I are going to the after-dance party. I say something about how we have to find Steve first, though, and then Mark tells me to wait for him.

So we find Steve (who's standing with Nathan) and then wait for Mark. During this wait, we meet up with another guy (Jeff) who just sort of came out of no where and latched on to us by asking about the after-dance party.

We see Mark, he says that he and his gang are going to the party and we say that we'll meet them there.

We sit in the lobby for a bit... with me sitting next to Jeff who I think is totally hot... that intellectual, but not a nerd, type that had eluded me the rest of the night.

After talking for a bit, we decide the party should be occurring and leave to the party.

On the way we run into the "out of my league" guy (Joey) who's helping Kit carry a keg to the after-dance party location. He asks me to help, so I take Kit's place on one side. I explain how I was going to ask him out, but just never had the chance. He said that he was checking me out too, but was shy. I told him that I thought he was.

So we go to the party and I sit on the couch next to Jeff (intellectual type). Then Joey comes over and asks if he can sit on the other side of me and does. So we talk and eventually I tell him how I was going to ask him to dance, but that Adam said that he was out of my league. He was like "No, you should have. I thought about asking you, but just didn't." He was being sincere, not condescending like it sounds here when I write it down.

We talked some more and eventually I found out that he thought I was attractive.

So, anyway, this whole time I'm sitting next to Jeff. We're talking with the other people, including Adam, Steve, and Kit who are in the floor by our feet. Jeff asks me if I want something to drink, says that they have cokes and regular stuff, I say "Coke" and then he leaves saying "This seat is taken... don't let anyone sit here." He brought me a coke and one for himself as well. I thought it was koool that he didn't drink, but I didn't tell him that (He's 22.)

So we sat there, Steve was playing footsie with me and just generally flirting. Adam was lying on top of Kit who was stroking Adam's chest. I was kicking Adam to let him know that I saw what Kit was doing.

After that, Adam sat back up and Mark came over to sit next to him. Mark started throwing Play-doh at me in an attempt to flirt. I would have mistaken it for simply nothing, but when I looked at him and simply tossed it back without any specialness, he looked hurt.

Later, I saw Adam and Mark rubbing hands like Adam's hand was stationery underneath while Mark's hand moved around on top of Adam's. I kicked Adam again while he mouthed "Shut up."

Eventually, it came time to go. So Joey took us (Steve, Adam, Jeff, and me) home in his car. But before I could leave the party, Mark, Nathan, and Kit all had to give me their e-mail addresses.

While we were walking to the car, Jeff asked me for my phone number, I gave it to him, got his, and then said that I'd call him tomorrow with information about the party at NorthEastern University tomorrow night.

I know Joey wanted my phone number and such... he hinted at it, but I didn't exchange anything with him. I don't know... I knew it wouldn't work.

I got out at Steve's place since his room is like less than 100 feet from mine. We talked and then he asked me out on a date. He said that I was cruising everyone but him. I don't know, he seems old, but said that he's only 19. So anyway, he tells me that I should give him one date and then if it doesn't work out to tell him so. I don't want to give him a date... he's a great guy, but I'm not attracted physically to him... of course, looking back on the night, I now realize that Steve was trying to dance/flirt with me all night, but I just didn't get it. I thought he was kidding... I mean, he asked me "So are you cruising me?" and such. I started to realize he was sincere though when at the party he came to sit next to me when Joey vacated his seat on the couch next to me to get a beer.

So, I walk home and then get the following e-mail from Nathan whom I'd barely noticed at the party. Adam has said he was cute, but I didn't think so.

Date: Sat, 11 Feb 1995 04:08:12 EST
Subject: heya!
Clay?!? What a Southern name. =)
[snip]... opening info...
For starters, I think you're a really nice guy, but of course, I've only known you for four or five hours, so it's kind of hard to judge without physical aspects coming into play.

[snip]... explanation background info...
So, I was wondering if you'd like to go out on a ``date'' (however you want to define it) sometime.

[snip]... more background info...
I wanted to come up to you and say hi all night, but didn't have the guts. I cheered inwardly when I saw you talking with Steve because I figured he would introduce us. But then I still never got up the nerve to say anything. Oh well. This is my medium. But what do you expect from an MIT nerd? =)

Talk to you later!

So, tonight I was quite the popular person... Mark, Steve, Jeff, Joey, Nathan, Wayne, whoa... So, suffice it to say, I had quite a nice ego boosting night.

February 11, 1995

Jeff called me early Saturday morning and we agreed to meet Sunday night after finding out that he had to work all day Saturday and Sunday.

February 12, 1995

As I wrote to my friend Sarah in regards to Jeff:

We're going on a date later today (Sunday). He had to work until 9:45-10, but after that we're meeting at a coffee shop if he doesn't get ahold of me... I mean, he's supposed to call and make plans, but if somehow he doesn't get a chance or the phone's busy or whatever, then the backup plan is to meet at the coffeehouse.

February 13, 1995

As I wrote to my friend Alicia in regards to Jeff:

He's absolutely wonderful....

From Sunday night until Monday night we had a tremendously long date. He stayed over, but we just stayed up watching t.v. and playing with my computer. The electricity went off at like 6:30AM so we had to just lay in the bed and look at each other. He was making that face from Ferris Bueller, and it was too adorable. I couldn't fall asleep since I had class at 8 and knew that I wouldn't get up.

He went to class with me this past Monday morning. It was so koool. I couldn't believe that he'd just go and sit while I was in class.

So after that, we came back and I skipped my twelve o'clock class. He went home for a bit, cleaned up, and then he came back to go see Boys on The Side with me.

When he came back, he brought me a rose and the following card:

We went to the theatre and he cried twice during the movie. I was SO impressed. --Adam didn't cry at all.-- Jeff looked just like Christopher Reeve to me when I was looking up and him (I was slouching in my chair.)

Afterwards, we came back and hung out here at the apartment for a bit then he went home since he had to work Tuesday.

February 14, 1995: Valentine's Day

For Valentine's day, I bought Jeff a pewter keychain engraved "2-14-95 Justin" that also has some freedom rings on it which he uses for his car and house keys. Since he had to work from 11AM to 11PM, I wasn't able to give the keychain to him until late, but he stayed until 3AM when he had to leave due to some weird Brookline Mass. parking regulation about parking after 3AM.

February 15, 1995

I had ski class so I met Jeff during my very hectic day between 1 and 3PM for lunch.

February 16, 1995

Jeff and I hung out after I dropped my English class -hallelujah!!!-. (My prof. was such a condescending know it all.)

Okay, Thursday night we went to pay for a bed which Jeff had on hold at a nearby furniture store. So, we go in, and he purposely wears his freedom ring necklace so that it can be seen... two gay guys buying a bed... how classic.

He pays for it and then since we pass his house on the way back to mine, we stop to go in. I meet his roommates which are a 30-something couple and a 30-ish man. We go up to his room, which is completely lacking of furniture except for like a sleeping bag on the floor and two end tables and lie in the floor to just talk about life in general. He drove me home and that was the end of the night.

February 17, 1995

Today I skipped both of my classes for no real reason. I woke up, but just decided that I really didn't want to go and that I could copy someone's notes later.

So I didn't go to class, but Jeff had to work from 11AM to 11:45PM-ish so I had nothing to do. I had planned on cheering Adam up since he's been practically ballistic.

I called him on the phone and it was like pulling a horse's teeth (which would be way harder than pulling a human's teeth). He went from crying to irate. At one point I even half-jokingly threatened to call the BU Police. Sort of to let him know that I would do it, but in a non-threatening tone.

Eventually, after begging, pleading, pulling, etc. I got Adam to say that he'd go to see The Brady Bunch Movie with me. We took the T (subway) to the right stop then got off, but when we made it to street level, he went the wrong way saying that he'd changed his mind and couldn't go with me. --By the way, he'd been crying on and off the entire time.-- So I walk with him a bit, and then go my separate way. But he'd said earlier how he'd thought about just standing in front of a bus and not moving so I was afraid to let him go by himself. We talk as he walks and eventually I get re-fed up with him and once again leave, but not to come back this time. I got to a nearby mall just to look around since I had nothing else to do. I didn't want to go see a movie by myself. So I then went to a nearby Tower video store but couldn't find anything I wanted to rent.

I went back to the T and headed home. During the wait, I decided that it would be nice for me to take a flower and card to Jeff to leave it on his car at work.

At the B.U. Bookstore, I picked up a card and a carnation before going home.

While I was here writing in the card, someone buzzed the door. It was Adam, so I let him in and he tells me how he's better now & how he went to go see The Brady Bunch Movie looking for me. He said that it wasn't half bad, and for him, that's a major compliment. He talked and said that he's decided that he's dropping out for the rest of this semester; that he's not coming back after Spring Break. I really don't want him to do that. I mean, I know he'd probably be happier with his best friend Jason back in Tennessee, but this is a life altering decision. If he doesn't graduate from B.U., his life will take a completely different course. I've been trying to convince him to stay, but he said that he hasn't been going to class and if he stays he'll just flunk this semester. So, anyway, we're supposed to meet this afternoon and go see The Brady Bunch Movie.

Okay, back on track, after I talked with Adam for a bit, he left and then I finished writing my card to Jeff. I then got back on the T and went to where he works, which is about 30 minutes away. I walked to his car and left the carnation and card on the windshield. I then came back here.

At around midnight, the door was buzzed: It was him. He held the card & carnation in his hand and smiled bigly. He thanked me for both and then pulled a present from behind his back. It was wrapped in tissue paper. We came upstairs and then I opened it to find a box of hand dipped white chocolate covered cherries and a box of truffles, which I later found out that he had bought for me on his lunch break... way before I gave him the carnation.

We stayed here and had one of those life talks again. Eventually, Jeff looked at my "All I want in a man..." poster and started comparing himself with the characteristics listed on the poster. He got down to the part about ice cream and then said that we should go get some. So we went down to the corner store and bought some ice cream. Next we went to the pizza place next to it and got some pizza. We came back up, ate the pizza, and then he laid on the bed while I fed him the ice cream. It was koool.

He then had to leave at 3 once again due to that weird parking regulation.

February 18 1995

Tonight I was here cooking spaghetti and blueberry muffins since I couldn't think of anything nice to do for Jeff. I did buy him an ivy plant at the grocery store, though.

Anyway, I heard a knock on the door. I looked out the peephole and I see Jeff in his work attire -- black dress pants, a tuxedo shirt, and a black tie -- carrying a forth of a cake with seven lit candles in it. I opened the door and he said it was for our anniversary. ahhhh!

So we blew the candles out and then I gave him the plant for his barren room.

He then ate some spaghetti and said that it was good. I told him that he didn't have to eat it; that I thought I'd overcooked.

He asked "Do you think I would eat it and tell you it was good if I didn't like it?"
I said, "Yes."
He said, "Well, I would, but it is good." and then he proceeded to eat another plate of it.

We then just talked and such. He actually may come down with me on Spring Break, but it's going to be hard for him to get off work... the boss's wife is about to have a baby, short notice, etc.. But last night he took my flight #'s and we called to find out that a ticket would be $262. So who knows.

Anyway, so we talked about that, talked about maybe becoming boyfriends soon, and just hung out. He then had to leave.

February 19, 1995

Jeff came over and spent the night. We slept in the same bed, but no hanky panky occurred. Well, okay, but just some nice massaging with our clothes on. He slept in boxers and I slept in blue jean shorts (with shirts).

This morning, we went out and ate at a Pizzeria Uno's. It was nice, but our pizza was cold. They re-heated it, and then brought it back. We shared a nice desert... actually, we (make that "he" because he payed [sic]) bought two desserts, but he liked mine the best so we shared it... I fed it to him right there in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

Afterwards, we were walking down the street ---which is a really common thing to do here in the big city of Boston --- and passed a flower shop which was displaying some flowers on the sidewalk. He bought me a bunch (10) of red roses. It was too sweet. I wasn't even thinking "oh, I wish he would buy me some flowers." He just did it... completely out of the blue.

Tonight we came back to my apartment and were watching Tootsie when we both fell asleep... with me resting on his chest. That too was so sweet.

February 22, 1995

I get all excited just thinking about this... I got home from ski class at around 11PM. Jeff arrived ten minutes later and said that he'd made me a snack at his place. So we got in his car and headed towards there. I thought nothing of it. I'd been making him something to eat every night after work, stuff like a pre-cooked chicken and Stove Top stuffing, bacon-tomato biscuits and such... junk food. I simply thought he was returning the favor.

But when I got to his house and walked upstairs, I found a dimly lit dining room with two candles burning on the table. The plates were set; There was a wood block with cheese and Ritz crackers arranged neatly. There was bread sitting on a different wood block next to a new thing of butter. On the opposite end of the table, there was a huge bowl of salad... in other words, everything was PICTURE PERFECT!!!

So then I follow him into the kitchen to find that he had baked potatoes and was simmering a mushroom sauce. I went back into the dining room uncontrollably laughing at the "I can't believe this is really happening TO ME!!!" factor, then went back into the kitchen to find him out on the back deck GRILLING STEAKS.

It was so wonderful. It was so romantic. I was in heaven...

It was just too great. I kept waiting for that proverbial bubble to burst. But it didn't. Afterwards, we simply sat on the couch in each other's arms as we talked about going to Kentucky and life... ahhhh

It was amazing!

February 23, 1995

Today's been an okay day. I went to classes and worked on these pages. Tonight, at around 9:30, I went to Jeff's workplace and left a card on his windshield. I would have given him some flowers as well, but couldn't find any so late in the night. I miss him now since he's doing something with a friend who came up to Boston to visit Boston College. I didn't really think I'd miss him all that much for such a short period of time, but I guess I was wrong.

Well, Jeff buzzed the door at 1:30AM much to my surprise. I went downstairs, let him and his bag of Dorito's in, and came back up here to listen to him talk about his night. He started out by saying that Manray on Thursday nights is basically a loner thing, that no one ever tries to pick anyone up or talk, but tonight it was totally different... I was like, "What? Was someone trying to pick up my Jeff?" but I remained silent. Jeff then continued his story to tell me of how he saw tons of people and how his friend Mike was smitten with my friend Norm. --I was much relieved that he wasn't talking about himself.-- He then added that he made sure to tell everyone that we (he and I) are still going out, but that I just didn't want to go to the nightclub.

After that, we talked some more and Jeff said, "I have some good news." I thought for a few minutes then realized that he was talking about whether he could get off of work to go to Kentucky with me for Spring Break. I asked if I was correct, and he said yes.

I couldn't quite believe it. Nothing like that ever works for me.

Jeff stayed until 3:10ish and then had to leave.

February 24, 1995

Today hasn't been the best of days so far. (It's 8:34PM.) I got up, went to both my classes, and was bored as usual. After my history class ended at one o'clock I came back to my apartment to find that Jeff still hadn't call me to say whether he could get off from Friday to Sunday or Friday to Friday. (The plane ticket had to be purchased today for the seven day advance price.) So I waited around, washed dishes (which hadn't been done in literally over a month), and eventually decided that I'd go to his workplace to ask him what the deal was. --I didn't want to call because I don't really like talking to people while they're at work (I'm afraid I'll get them in trouble.) and I thought I could just eat dinner at one of his tables, talking to him in the process. I took the T to Cambridge (a little over 30 minutes away) and walked past the restaurant to find that it was empty. I'd seen Jeff's car in the parking lot so I knew he was there. I saw a phone nearby and decided that I'd call him, but I didn't have the number. So I called information, got the number and talked to him to find out that he can have Friday - Sunday off.

Then began my trek to the airport. ARHHH!!

I arrived at the airport after much T changing to find the American Airlines terminal painfully slow. I waited in line forever, but then decided that I'd call the 800 reservation number so that when I got to the counter I could speed things along; thereby helping everyone in the process. So I called the # and got this incompetent guy after waiting for over fifteen minutes on hold. He hadn't a clue how to do what I wanted, which was to get a ticket for Jeff on the same flight as mine in a seat next to me.

So I got back in line and waited for an agent... an hour later. ARGGHHH!

I explained what I wanted to do to the lady and she checked to find that the flight had been sold out. I asked if there were other flights near it so that I could change mine and make his on the new one. She said that I could leave 4 hours earlier. I said okay.

She then proceeded to make the ticket for Jeff and change mine so that the seats were together. I gave her my Citibank Visa to charge the $260 ticket price and $35 change fee. I walked from the counter and thought I was done... I was wrong.

I noticed that I only had one half of the ticket; I'd made Jeff a one way ticket instead of a round trip. I just assumed it was a round-trip whenever she said that it cost $260 which is what the reservation person had told me when I inquired a week ago when this was all in the planning stage.

So I went back to the ticket counter and explained that it was supposed to be a round-trip ticket. She said okay, that changing it was fine, but the price would go up to $280. She changed it and then took voided the inital ticket. But, when she tried to charge my Visa for the new $280, it was denied. Apparently, for some unknown reason, charges get added to credit cards instantly while credits back to them take a while to process. So I had to use my parents Gold Visa to cover it.

I made it back and now I'm here writing this entry. I need something to eat, but don't have enough effort to go buy anything. Maybe I'll order something in a bit... Jeff's coming over after work... I'm sure that'll perk me up.

Well, it's 1:02Am and I still haven't heard from Jeff so I'm not too perky. I am really not having a good day.

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