Justin's Life... November 21-29, 1995

My life... November 21-29, 1995

November 21, 1995

1:39AM Technically November 22, 1995

This morning I woke up at around 9 o'clock. I thought about staying in bed but figured that I could do that back in Boston. I took a shower, shaved my goatee off, and went upstairs to find Larry in the kitchen.

After fiddling with his notebook computer for a while, we went to Larry's office. I basically just hung out with everyone there. It was pretty koool and I actually got to see some of the stuff he does. Without getting into detailed specifics, he owns a company dealing with the creative production of audio recordings. On the wall, I found platinum records from such acts as Tina Turner, Madonna, Prince, and R.E.M..

A little later in the day, I went with Larry as he bought a new waterbed mattress then we headed to over Tim's. I'm not sure exactly what Tim's title is, but basically, I think he's the guy who buys coffee from the real estates then sales it to Larry for Euro Coffee. I participated in some coffee "cuppings", where a single cup of coffee is lightly roasted then ground and individually taste tested. Since I don't drink coffee, I couldn't really tell one cup from the other, but I tasted a few cups nevertheless.

After the coffee tasting, Larry and I headed back to the house and I tried to install my zip drive on his computer. The lack of a parallel port on his PC-compatible Mac proved to be a hinderance.

A few hours later, Rich arrived and we ate some pizza from Domino's. Tonight, I once again noticed how cute he is. I mean, he's no red head, but he's all of those things I explained in the last entry... and he's only 28... just right.

Anyway, right now, he and Larry are upstairs trying out that new waterbed while I'm downstairs typing this on the notebook.

November 22, 1995


This morning I woke around 9:30AM, showered, then headed upstairs to find Larry and Rich still in their room. I said, "Hey Sex Fiends" so that they'd know I was up and then the door opened to find Larry running a lint remover over his dog Ralph.

Once things had calmed down a bit and Larry was in the kitchen preparing the stuff for the Thanksgiving dinner, I checked my e-mail on the computer in Larry's room. Rich was still in the room, and so, we had a chance to talk. For the most part, we talked about sports, hobbies, coming out, and other "getting-to-know-you" types of things. I was really glad that he was making an effort to communicate. On the night we met and last night, he wasn't tight- lipped, but he was far from talkative.

A while later, Katie, Larry's daughter, (yeah, he has a 2 year old daughter... through artificial insemination) came into the room and so, she became the center of attention. We played with her for a while then she returned to the nanny/maid, Luz.

For the next thirty or forty minutes, Rich and I talked about his relationship with Larry, about my past relationships with guys, and about relationships in general. Once again, it was "getting-to-know- you" stuff, but also, Larry spends a good deal of time worrying about whether or not Rich is going to leave him, and so I was trying to get a less-biased view of Rich's actual feelings.

A little later in the afternoon, we headed to Larry's office where Rich met the employees. He didn't seem too nervous about it. I wonder if he realizes that all of those people knew he was gay.

After the office, we started towards the ranch. I'm not really sure where it is: all I know is that it was about 2 hours from Los Angeles.

Anyway, we got here, brought the stuff in, and hung out for a bit. I soon found myself flirting with Rich. I mean, I'd always flirted a little with him. I told both him and Larry the same things that I wrote online. But, anyway, it got more intense. I felt myself longing to be touched by him. He seems to be what I want in a guy, cute, short, a tad stocky, furry, blue eyes. I can definitely see why Larry is so ga-ga. So, for a while, I flirted.

We soon went to dinner at a nearby sit-down restaurant and I once again flirted with Rich. On our way inside, Larry started to hold Rich's hand, but Katie got Larry's hand instead. She then motioned for my hand. Figuring this was the perfect opportunity to hold Rich's hand, I said that I would do so unless Larry would be jealous. He said that he wouldn't and thus, I held Rich's hand into the restuarant.

During the meal, we flirted some more. I was looking for ways that I could touch him... and he was touching me back. He layed his head on my shoulder and I poked him in the gut. Things that related to the situation, but not things that typical straight guys would do.

After dinner we headed back to the car and Rich put his hand on my back and slid it downward as he opened the door. Larry was putting Katie in her car seat, so I asked if Rich wanted me to buckle him in. Larry laughingly called me on my flirting, and we all got in inside.

After we got back to the house, Katie went to sleep and Rich soon followed. It only being a little after 8PM, Larry and I weren't too sleepy. Once things had settled down a bit, Larry and I started talking about the day and about relationships. I asked him how he felt about Rich's and my flirting and he said that he wasn't jealous. I would have been.. I know, Larry's nervous about this being Rich's first relationship and Rich finding another guy who appears better. But Larry said that I was more like family than like another guy. I didn't feel like family. I really felt like going after Rich with wild abandon.

Anyway, Larry and I talked for a long while. Tonight, I finally told him that I love him. He has said that he loves me for a while now, but it's not so easy for me... but I do love him.

So, today was yet another of my "wierd" days. When will I find that guy that I'm ga-ga over? Why am I having such thoughts: stealing other guys' guys, menage a trois, making out with guys I met earlier in the evening? Once again, where's that Justin that I once knew? I miss him and while I no longer hate the Justin that has become, I do think he's peculiar.

Oh, well, there are tons of guys in the sea. I just wish one would find me... even beyond the whole red head deal, I think another reason my relationships have never worked is because I've never had a guy I'm physically attracted to. By that, I mean really attracted... someone who I'd lust over... someone who I'd undress with my eyes... someone I'd drool over. Chuck and Rob are both cute, but not to the degree of that. I wonder why I don't have a guy like that. I get e-mail telling me that I'm that to other guys... so where are the guys that are that to me?

I better go to sleep before I get too jealous/depressed.

November 24, 1995


Yesterday was KOOOL!!!!

I'm not sure where to start since there were no real rememberable concrete order of events. All I do know is...

Rich allowed me into his personal space and I allowed myself into Larry's personal space. By that, I mean, Larry had pretty much opened his personal space to me for a while, but yesterday, I went into it. (Personal space is where you allow only those people to go that you really care for. It's not a sexual thing: It's just a closeness.... the difference between hugging/lounging with a stranger and hugging/lounging with someone you really like.)

The day can be epitimized by Katie's comment, "Three daddies."

While Larry and Rich were definitely more into each other than they were into me, it wasn't as though I was an outsider. I think I was first taken in when Larry hugged me from behind and Rich came at me from the front. Rich kissed me on the neck. I mentioned it aloud, so Larry kissed me on the back of the neck. I kissed Rich on the neck then Larry on the arm since that's the only part of him that I could see. It was so koool. There was no jealousy. The three of us layed in the hammack, then Larry went to check on Katie. Rich and I stayed. The three of us layed on the couch. Due to Larry's cooking, he was constantly getting up and each time we'd move. Larry would be laying back on Rich, I would be laying back on Larry, and Katie would be laying on me. Larry would then have to go check the food, so when he came back, we'd all move. Like Rich would lay on Larry, I'd lay on Rich, and Katie would lay on me. (Katie pretty much moved up and down the couch constantly, but when she did sit, it was usually by me.)

It was just so koool. I really, really, really had a great time. When I'm with Larry, it's like I have no worries... no expectations... no demands... no acting... Wow...

November 26, 1995


Friday back at Larry's LA house, he and I woke to go see "Gay Friendly" Don's new house. Before we left, Larry said that he thought his BMW convertible needed a new battery, but asked me if I thouht we should take it instead of the Mercedes. I said yes.

So Larry connected the cables to jump start the BMW. My job in the process was to start the Mercedes. It was koool... okay, okay, I know sitting in a Mercedes behind the wheel isn't that big of a deal, but I had a tiny adrenaline rush.

Anyway, we got the car started then headed out. Before we made it to the gas station where we were going to meet Don, it stopped... right in the middle of the road. I thought it was amusing. You see clunkers stopped all the time, but here we were, pushing a BMW convertible because Larry didn't drive it enough to keep the battery charged.

So we pushed it over a hill, Larry pushed in the clutch, and we were once again on our way. We soon found Don and Visnja, his girlfriend, then went looking for a battery. It was soon found and we were finally on our way for a place to eat.

Our first stop was closed for the "day after Thanksgiving" holiday. We drove a bit further then Larry saw the nearby ship yard and suggested we eat on the Queen Mary. I'd never heard of it, but soon found that it was a ship similar to the Titanic which had had several famous guests.

Larry called for reservations and we were on our way. Once the very nice dinner was done, we started touring the ship waiting for a call from Don's real estate agent who was supposed to arrange for us to go by the house for a quick tour. Pretty soon, I was bored, but I could tell that Larry was having a great time inspecting every nook and cranny, and so, I didn't say anything. A good while later, I spoke up.

Before I knew it, the agent had called and we were parking in front of Don's house. It was pretty koool, but it amazes me to think that for the same amount of money, you could buy a mansion back in Kentucky.

Once the tour was over and we'd taken a little stroll along the ocean front, Larry and I headed back to the house, where we hung out until Rich arrived at around 10PM. We ate leftovers for the Thanksgiving dinner then headed to Universal City Cinemas to see Toy Story at 11PM. As we neared the parking lot, Larry told me that I should get out and purchase the tickets before they were sold out. I thought I was being ditched, said so, but went to the ticket area anyway.

A few minutes later, they arrived and we started walking around the bright, neon-lit area. We talked/harassed for a bit then stood, taking in the view. I reached over, put my arms around both their necks and hugged them. It was really koool.

Having to make a stop at the restroom, I entered the theatre to find Larry and Rich sitting a seat apart from each other. When I got closer, though, Rich left to go to the bathroom and I took his chair. When he got back, Larry left and he took Larry's chair. And when Larry got back, he took the middle seat. After sitting for a few seconds, Larry remarked that last time I wrote in my diary that I'd rather have sit in between himself and Don and thus, did I want Rich to sit by me. I said that I wasn't answering: Larry moved Rich to the middle seat anyway.

Soon, the movie was over and we headed back to the house. I checked my e-mail on the computer in Larry's room while Rich was laying on the bed. Larry said that he was going to take a shower then told me to get over on the bed and snuggle with Rich. I was reluctant, but after a few seconds did so.

I had my arm around him when we talked for a bit, then Larry came out of the shower (in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt) and got on the bed. I stayed where I was, and Larry pulled me into the hug, kissing each of us. For several minutes, we stayed like that, but then I realized that things were intensifying and if I didn't leave, I didn't know what was going to happen. And so, I said that I was going downstairs and did.

I wasn't really leaving for myself, but for Rich. I knew Larry had no problems with whatever would happen as far as I was concerned, but I didn't know if Rich was just being pulled into the situation out of some feeling of obligation or reciprocation. I wrote him e-mail asking as much.

When I woke yesterday, I found a reply saying that he wasn't feeling obligated, that he was doing what he wanted.

A few minutes after I read my e-mail, I mentioned to Larry that I'd written Rich about the previous night. Larry wanted to know what I wrote, and so, I explained how I asked Rich for his feelings. Larry said that he'd already asked Rich, then went on to say that he wouldn't even have a problem with Rich and I having sex together. I said something like, "Without you?" in disbelief, but he said that that was what he meant. I mean, it just doesn't seem like your normal every day talk, but Larry's much more than your normal every day guy. He went on to say that normally he wouldn't think like that, but I was me, I was family. I sometimes (often) still marvel at how koool he is.

Anyway, the day went on and Larry and I just hung out. At a little after noon, he put in the Big Business laserdisc and I put my head on his shoulder. I feel asleep about ten minutes into the movie, but not before I got to see some hicks and have Larry remark about how the movie looked like Kentucky

I woke a few minutes before the end credits... the end credits which thanked some small town in Kentucky for their cooperation in making the movie.

Larry and I hung out for a while then headed to IKEA to buy some furniture-type stuff. When I was getting out of the car, I saw a feminine hygiene product laying on the ground in the space next to ours. I told Larry to look, but he wouldn't. We went inside, not thinking much more about it.

After the shopping, when Larry was driving out of the parking garage, he remarked that he thought it had gotten hung on the tire. I couldn't feel any irregular bumps, but took his word for it. He then said that it exploded and there was a white cloud of dust behind the car. I laughed loudly and we continued on our way. Our first stop was at a video store to rent The Shining and the Boys on the Side laserdiscs. Once that was done, we called Rich to see if he wanted a quick stopover for food. He did.

So we stopped at Boston Market, picked up some food, then headed to Rich's house. I thought there might have been a slight awkwardness with all the heavy e-mail going back and forth, but there was none. He was his same koool self: He still hugged me of his own free will (without me trying to hug him first). We ate, talked, joked, then headed back to the car since Rich had to go to work at midnight.

At the car, we got inside then Larry said that the feminine pad from the IKEA parking lot was hanging on the car. Knowing that Larry hadn't lied to me yet, but thinking that he was joking, I walked around to his side... and yes, the pad was hanging from the area right behind his tire, a virtual mud flap of sorts. I laughed until I cried and I laughed some more. Before I calmed down, I laughed so hard I was hurting. Even when we got back to the house, after driving 75 mph and hitting several bumps, it was still attached.

Larry put Katie to bed then I once again fell asleep next to him as he was watching the movies. At the end of Boys on the Side I came downstairs and went to bed.

This morning, I showered, dressed, then started writing this. When I had written through yesterday morning, Larry knocked on the door and asked to see what I was writing. I showed him and he said that he was worried that I didn't convey that he wasn't trying to get me into bed. But I know he isn't. That's not what this whole closeness between Larry, Rich and me is about. I'm finally starting to realize that sex (in whatever form) is just an extension of love.


After I finished writing that last entry, I went upstairs. Larry said that we were going to see Frank and Susan, Larry's architect and his wife.

After we'd toured their house and after Larry had harassed Frank (since he's red headed), the three of us headed to the airport to visit the newest Euro Coffee location. It, too, was koool.

While Larry was telling Frank what things needed to be corrected, I was wondering what Larry must sometimes think, having a company that he created be that famous. --Sure, unless you live in southern California, you haven't heard of it, but still.

Once we went back to Frank &Susan's to pick up Katie and to drop off Frank, we headed homeward but only after stopping at McDonald's.

Sure, nothing too exciting, but still, I got to meet two of Larry's friends... and stare at a pretty cute red head in the process.

Now, Larry's on the phone and Rich should be coming over a little later tonight. Koool!

November 29, 1995


Sunday night, Rich arrived over at the house and eventually the three of us ended up laying on the bed cuddling. The dogs started barking and then we realized the Thai food delivery guy had arrived.

We ate in the kitchen and were then going to watch the Houseguest and Brady Bunch Movie laserdiscs weıd rented earlier.

Rich went into the bedroom while I was talking to Larry who was cleaning up the kitchen. I went on into the bedroom to find Rich taking his shorts off. He was really cute in his t-shirt &light blue boxers: I got a huge smile on my face. Practically bursting from the thought of what might come, I went back into the kitchen to whisper to Larry what was happening and then went back into the bedroom.

Rich curled up sideways onto the bed and I curled up next to him. Pretty soon, Larry had finished in the kitchen, started the Houseguest laserdisc, and had gotten in the bed on the other side of Rich.

We watched a good hour of the movie, just snuggling with each other. I would hug Rich, run my hand down the front of Larryıs shirt, and so forth. We layed on the bed together: Each of us paying attention to the other two.

A while later, Rich and Larry had gotten more into each other while not neglecting me. I noticed that each of them had gotten aroused and thus, I started getting aroused myself. Soon after, they noticed. (Either Larry asked or Rich volunteered the info that he was getting poked in the backside.)

The movie was over and the three of us layed on the bed each becoming more intensely aroused at the situation. I also became increasingly nervous and started to twitch. It was something I wanted inmmensely, but it was so new and unusual. I knew I cared for Larry and Rich and I knew they each cared for me, but still. Soon, my nerves had been calmed by Richıs and Larryıs reassurances.

As time went on, Rich and I were face to face and Larry was further down the bed. He told Rich that he could kiss me if he wanted, and I desperately wanted him to, but I stayed quiet, hoping that Rich would kiss me of his own will... he did.

We kissed and french kissed for several minutes and the eroticism continued. A while later, Rich unbuttoned and unzipped my shorts and the three of us began to explore each other.

A little after 3:30AM, Larry started The Brady Bunch Movie and Rich said that he was going to sleep. I layed my head on his furry chest and watched part of the movie before saying that I would go downstairs. (Trying to sleep with Larry, Rich, and the two dogs would have been impossible for me.) and so, I left.

The next morning, I threw up from a combination of nerves and excitement, (I threw up every day for a year when I was picking Chris up before school.) and then went upstairs to find Larry in the kitchen. I asked if Rich had left, found out that he hadnıt, then headed into the bedroom to find him still laying shirtless.

We layed in the bed for a while, Larry came back into the bedroom, and the three of us snuggled some more.

Once weıd gotten up, we talked about the night before and everyone was still fine with what had happened... everyone was still more than fine with what had happened.

But then Larry said something about how when I thought my crotch was in his ear, it was really in his mouth. I took this to mean that heıd gone down on me, something that I was unaware of and something that I wouldnıt have let happen. I tried to hide the fact that I was upset but I started to cry... eventually I manged to pull myself back together.

After Rich had left, I started writing e-mail to the two of them explaining why Iıd cried. After Iıd gotten half through the letter, Larry came over to see what I was doing and started to read it. He told me that Iıd totally misunderstood him in the kitchen. That he hadnıt gone down on me, that my denim shorts covered my penis, that he was simply saying that when I thought my crotch was on the side of his head, it was really in his face. That was another thing entirely. I could have cared less that his face was in my crotch.

I continued with my letter to explain to Rich the miscommunication and to say:
³Now I really feel like a dufus for crying. I hope it doesn't lessen what happened. I REALLY had a great time, but then this morning I felt violated and thus the tears. But, okay, enough of that, I want to let you both know that I REALLY HAD A GREAT TIME (and wouldn't mind in the least doing it again)
                                                  *HUGE grin*
                                                  Love ya both,
I truly did have a great time and really want it to happen again.


For the rest of Monday, Larry and I talked about the new bond that existed between the three of us.

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