Justin's Life... October, 1995

My life... October, 1995

October 5, 1995


Several things have happened since I last wrote:

2:27AM Technically October 6, 1995

I got the job. Yes, I am now an employee of Copy Cop.

Around three o'clock this afternoon I called and said, "This is Justin Clouse calling Peter [Smith] regarding my possible employment." The receptionist then transfered my call and once he answered, I said, "This is Justin Clouse. I'm calling about my possible employment." "You're possible employment?" he answered back in a playful sort of tone. "Yeah, I think I want to hire you."

After thanking him, we arranged times for me to start training. Initially, I answered that I could come in as soon as he'd like, but when he said today, I asked, "What's the attire again?" To which, he responded that I'd need to wear a dress shirt, tie, and slacks. I said that on second thought I'd better not start until tomorrow (since I had neither a dress shirt or slacks). He asked me to hold for a minute then came back to say that I could start Sunday morning. We worked through my schedule until Tuesday and then hung up.

I quickly called Mom to tell her the news and then Rob. He wasn't home, so I thought of other people I could call and ended up calling my grandmother. A few hours later, Rob and I were at the Cambridgeside Galleria picking me out some dress slacks and a button-down shirt.

Also today, I joined Videosmith, a video rental store in the greater Boston area. As the clerk was filling out the paperwork, he seemed to be paying me more attention than normal. The other guy working was most definitely gay and I wouldn't have thought twice about this guy if he hadn't seemed so earnest in telling me of Videosmith's features and such. Of course, I was wearing my "Hate is not a family value" shirt, so if he was gay there was no doubt in his mind about my orientation. Oh well, just a little side note, nothing monumental...

3:41AM Technically October 6, 1995

Currently, I'm re-uploading all of the web pages. I'm still broke, but I need them as a selling point for a possible HTML programming job.

October 10, 1995

1:36AM Technically October 11, 1995

I'm still alive... and busy. Between Larry's visit and work, I've barely had time to sit down, let alone write here. I'll try to wake up tomorrow and write before I go to work.

October 12, 1995


Well, like I said, my life's been quite busy between Larry's visit and my new job.

On Saturday, Larry called from his hotel to say that he was in Boston and ready to see me. I got his room number and then walked into my hallway and forgot it. I came back inside and called to see if it was 1036 or 1039. Larry told me that it was 1036 and that he'd be in the shower so he would leave the door open. Being a little apprehensive about his visit anyway, the thought that I was going to find him naked in his hotel room was not reassuring, but I left to go there anyway... of course, I did take a little longer than usual to get there.

As I walked through the tenth floor hallway, my breath became a little shallow, being that I wasn't sure what I would find behind "Door #3". As I opened it, I saw Larry sitting on his bed, fully clothed, and said hello. He got up and I could tell he was going to hug me, so I didn't resist and hugged him back.

We talked for a bit about my life and his own and then came to my place so he could see what it looked like. When I'd talked to him on the phone earlier last week, I'd said something about how I was sitting in the floor just as a sidebar. On Friday, he called to say that perhaps we could go to IKEA on Saturday to help fill out my empty rooms. Having never heard of IKEA, but figuring it must be a furniture store from the context, I checked my CD-ROM phonebook and found that it was indeed a furniture store... but only on the east coast.

Anyway, we came back to my apartment and he saw that my only furniture was a folding chair and a contraption best described as a sleeping bag over a thick foam pad. And thus, futon shopping we went.

After getting lost a few times and going to a small store with practically nothing, we arrived at "Sleep-a-rama." A few minutes later, he and I were taking my new futon mattress and frame back to my apartment in a mini van cab. --Assembling it took less than ten minutes, but the instructions were a little confusing... at least to us.

Once the bed had been assembled, we headed back out for more shopping. Our first stop, The Body Shop. The Body Shop had always been a place that I'd wondered about. I mean, I'm a shampoo-all-over / forget-actual-soap kinda guy, and showers have never been one of my favorite activities. So the idea of spending $10 for a bottle of shampoo never really interested my small budget. But this was Larry's day and he was going to pamper me. "Do you like this smell?" he said as he opened a bottle of shampoo and pushed it towards my face. "It's okay," was my answer as I still felt like I was undeserving of Larry's money: What had I ever done for him? He then gave me one to smell called Coconut Oil Shampoo. My mom wears coconut oil tanning oil and so, the smell reminded me of her. That was the one I wanted... if he was going to get me one, which he was.

After Larry had paid for the shampoo and a few other pamper items, he noticed an aroma jar, sorta like a poupori burner but for oils. He smelled it, told me to smell it, and then asked if I'd like to have one. I said yes instantly. I've always been a person for rooms that smell (but oddly enough, I don't wear cologne.) Anyway, a fragrance burner had been one of those things that I thought it'd be koool to own but never wanted to spend the money to get one. So when he asked if I wanted it, I definitely did. A few minutes later, he bought it and the Fuzzy Peach fragrance for me as well as for himself.

Once we left The Body Shop, Larry decided it was time to look for a sheet and mattress cover for my bed. The Pru didn't have any and after an exhaustive search, we found that neither did Copley Place. Eventually, we were told to check Bed & Bath on Newbury St.. As we were leaving Copley, Larry asked me if I wanted some clothes. Still feeling a little wierd about him buying me all this stuff, but really needing some clothes, I said okay. We went to the Gap and after a little coaxing, I picked out a pair of jeans, a pair of khaki pants, a pair of shoes, and a few shirts. All in all, he spent over $300 at the Gap on me and himself. I was put in a near daze. For one, I'd never shopped in the Gap period. For two, I can't remember when I actually last bought clothes and I doubt that I ever bought that much at any one time.

Before we came back to my apartment to unload everything, we made one final stop at the Bed & Bath. Here, too, Larry bought me things that I would have never bought for myself; Ralph Lauren goose down pillows, pillowcases, and sheets.

October 15, 1995


Once we got back to my apartment, I called Rob to arrange to meet him so that we could all go eat. On the advice of the hotel's concierge, we decided that a nice Italian place in the North End would be our destination. A cab ride later, we were there... but a 45 minute wait made us decide to look for another place. We ended up at a small Italian restuarant no bigger than my apartment... as Larry described it, "A scene from a Woody Allen movie." By the end of the night, the two other tables had joined into a discussion with each other and with us. The main topic was Sumbaco, a strong liquer which tasted like licorice concentrate and which also served as desert to our meal.

A cab ride back and a hug from Larry later, Rob and I walked towards my apartment. I asked Rob why he didn't talk more and he eventually explained that it felt awkward to him that Larry was able to buy me all the stuff that he wanted me to have. I told him not to worry about that, that he could do something for me that Larry couldn't; complete the RJ venture.

I began the next morning at Copy Cop. At around 2 or so, Larry stopped by the store with a black haired guy wearing a black leather jacket. He was cute and had those "looks like they've been mascara'd eyes" which I melt for, but I couldn't believe Larry had gone out and picked up some boy toy. For the rest of my shift, I kept thinking, "Where did he find a guy in the middle of the day? How am I going to write about this online?" and so on. I didn't think Larry was the type of guy who'd pick up a stranger like that, but from the looks of his "friend", it definitely appeared as much.

Anyway, I got off at five and then met up with Larry again at his hotel. That guy was still there. It was Don, his straight personal assistant. After I'd gotten to know Don a little better, I explained how I'd thought he was Larry's boy toy. A while later when we were eating, I wanted to say that Don looked gay, but I didn't want to come right out and say, "You know, you look pretty gay." I finally managed to get around it by giving him a few compliments about his eyes and looks in general then saying, "You know, in Kentucky, you'd probably get beat up for being gay." He told me of how he'd gotten harassed for being gay when he was in a straight club a few weeks before. And now that I think about it, the kooolest thing about Don was that never once did he say, "I'm straight." or defend his sexuality... even when we started calling him Gay Friendly Don. Larry and I talked about it afterwards and Don does indeed have a girlfriend and has absolutely no reason to not come out if he were indeed gay. Wow, I'm really amazed. I don't think I've ever met a straight guy who didn't at least slightly need to defend his sexuality when asked about being gay. I'm sitting here in awe...

Okay, I managed to pull myself back together .

After we ate, we decided to go see To Die For, the new Nicole Kidman movie. I wanted to sit in between Larry and Don, but we ended up sitting: me, Larry, Don.

Anyway, we watched the movie, which I personally didn't care for, and then went to our respective "homes."

The next day, Monday, before I went to work, I met with Larry & Don for lunch. During our lunch conversation, we talked about quite a few things; most notably my designing a web site for Larry's coffee company and Larry's desire to buy me a color printer.

After lunch, we went back to my apartment. When it came time for me to go to work at 4PM, Larry had decided he was going to stay an additional day, but Don was reluctant to do the same since he had work to do back in LA. On the way to work, though, Don committed to staying in Boston until Tuesday.

As we neared the corner of Boylston and Mass Ave., Don said that he wanted to go to Tower Records and Larry said that he'd walk me on to Copy Cop. Figuring that Larry still wanted to buy me a color printer but wouldn't remember as much until I was at work and he couldn't ask me where to go, --During lunch, he asked me where he could find a large computer store to buy it, so I wasn't trying to force him into buying it.-- I gave him the address of Micro Center. Six hours later, I got home to find a message on my machine from Larry telling me that he and Don were at a nearby restaurant and that I should meet them there.

I did and found them with four beer mugs on the table and a HP Deskjet color printer near the wall.

Okay, I seemed to have left a few details out which now become necessary.
And thus, Larry wanted me to have this drink, but the only places allowed to sell Vodka were restuarants... just like the one we happened to be in.

Larry ordered a double shot of Vodka and we snuck it and the glass that was holding it back to my place, where Larry fixed each of us the drink. It wasn't half bad, actually. The butterscotch flavor masked out most of the other taste. It was by no means anywhere near as good as Pepsi, but it was much better than the Guinness beer that Don loved so dearly. To me, Guinness tasted like easter egg water.

After Don drank his drink, he headed back to the hotel and left Larry here with me. We did some research on coffee pages then talked about life. I was still a little apprehensive about Larry being here alone with me. I mean, I wouldn't have been, but he'd had a few beers in the restuarant and the other drink here. My previous dealings with people who drink haven't been that wonderful. Honestly, Larry's the first guy I've actually known who just drinks for the fun of it and not to get drunk. Alas, my worrying was unfounded for Larry went home at around two and didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all.

Tuesday morning as I went to work, I got a little depressed thinking that Larry and Don were going to be leaving. Before the weekend, I'd had nothing to do and since Larry'd arrived, I hadn't been able to sit down. He and Don were a much needed relief from my boredom and I'd become accustomed to seeing them.

Before they left, Larry stopped by the store to give me a book. I didn't look into the bag until after I was done for the day, but when I did, I found "Hiking Kentucky: Scenic Trails of the Bluegrass State" with the inscription, I hope one day we can all go camping - you and your husband and kids and me and my husband and our kids. So keep this book, we'll need it. I'll always be here for you. --Larry"... I hope he's right.

Since Larry and Don left, I've done practically nothing except work at Copy Cop. In my first week, I put in 48 hours. Rob's been totally chaotic about this RJ venture: First deciding that he wasn't going to do it at all and then changing his mind to say that he needed to put it in "temporary stasis" so that he could think about it. He's toying with my life and I'm growing tired. Last night, we had an all-out argument. We patched things up afterwards and he came over to watch the videos which we'd rented, but the RJ venture is still in limbo. Ironically, it seems that I was wrong when I told Rob that he could give me what Larry couldn't (completing the RJ venture), for now, Larry knows a guy who he thinks would be interested in completing it with me. I really want to work with Rob and think that things would work better with me working with someone I know, but I can't wait forever for something that may or may not happen.

Speaking of things job/career-wise, I'm thinking about working for Saturn Internet. I was looking for a new access provider since my previous one only had connections in Kentucky when I happened upon their web page and saw that they were needing a part time HTML programmer. I've since found out that they also want a person who'll answer the phone and field technical support questions. I'd rather do that than work at Copy Cop by any means, but I need the money my full time Copy Cop job generates. So I'm unsure of what to do. I'll probably have an interview with saturn.net this week.

Pagewise, I added my resume in hopes that someone who needs an HTML programmer to design their web pages will see it. I'm still working on the JKP revision, but with my current lack of time, it's taking longer than anticipated.

October 22, 1995


It would seem that I haven't written here in a week... hopefully I'll have more free time soon.

On Monday morning, I called Saturn Internet to see when they wanted to interview me. --Paul, the guy who I'd been talking to about the job, had asked for an interview in a previous e-mail. His response: the sooner, the better. So we arranged to meet at 2 o'clock at his office.

I found a map and pinpointed the street where the office was located, added a tie to my shirt, and headed out the door. After several minutes of searching for the correct street and then number, I found the building and a steep set of stairs. I knew they were on the fourth floor so I started upwards. But before I could get to the top, there was a door. Not knowing where the door went or really wanting to walk through someone's office, I decided the elevator would be the best approach.

When the elevator doors opened, I saw a sign with the Saturn Internet logo on it about three feet away. I went through the door to find a very spacious office and a secretary. As I was telling her that I was there to see Paul, a guy walked towards me, said that he was Paul, and shook my hand.

After following him into his office, I sat down next to a computer and his business partner came over. They asked me a few of the standard questions, but some that seemed like they hadn't really paid too much attention to my online resume. So I asked if they'd checked out my site expecting them to say "Sure. Was that on there?" or something like that. Instead, Paul told me that he hadn't looked at it at all.

"I can't believe this. The don't know I'm gay." kept flashing through my head. Here I was sitting in front of these two guys who looked like older college frat boys, wanting a job from them, and I was going to be outed instantly... as soon as Paul loaded up my page. And I knew it was going to be soon because he asked for my URL. I mean, I'm not closeted by hardly any definition of the word, but the control of telling them I'm gay or not was completely out of my hands... plus, I didn't know what type of situation would result. And so, I thought to myself, "Please don't let my page load. Please don't let my page load." and it didn't.

But Paul was determined, he figured out Webcom's IP address then tried to access my page that way. "Please don't let it load." I thought to myself again... and it didn't.

But that still wasn't enough, Paul turned off his computer and tried again... once again, I prayed and once again, it didn't load. I can't remember being so relieved.

With this third attempt, I didn't want to press my luck with the Webcom god, so I interjected, "It'll still be there if you want to try later." I knew I didn't have a chance in the world of getting that job once they saw my page and I really didn't feel like sticking around to see their reaction. A few civilities and I was out the door.

It's now Sunday and I still haven't heard back from them. They have my phone number and e-address and they said they'd contact me, but I haven't seen or heard anything... I was right.



In much better news, Justin's Koool Page will probably be going commercial in the very near future. What that means exactly I'm not sure, but I do have several things in mind.
  1. I'll be doing web design professionally.

    This one's pretty certain. Right now, I've got two clients and a third on the way.
  2. I'll be previewing then marketing select gay videos.

    This one is still in development, but basically just as I sort through the crap on the binaries newgroups to find the pictures worthy of going in my art galleries, I'll preview erotic gay videos to decide which ones are worthy of being sold online (like Sirocco). Currently, Larry's talking to several distributors for me and I'm working on the details such as order taking and so on. I know, personally, that I'd much rather order erotic videos online from someone who'd sorted through the bad ones than to take a random stab at which movie to rent at the video store. For one, I'd want to know what I was getting was worthwhile and for another, I would rather order a gay erotic video via my computer than to actually rent one from a probably straight video store employee.
  3. I'll create The Koool Katalogue.

    This one's also pretty certain. It'll be a special area of the new Justin's Koool Page to highlight other gay and/or noteworthy businesses which have gone online. A gay version, of sorts, of Yahoo's Web Launch.

I guess those are about all my new ideas for now. I've got others, but those are the only ones that I can put into words at the moment. --The others are scattered little thoughts for overall page improvements.

Move on to the next page

Justin's Koool Page

Justin's Life...Justin's

© 1995-1999 Justin Clouse