What is this?
or the other, you've happened upon my online journal. Here you'll find thoughts
expressed and chronicled for the world to read that you'd be unlikely to
hear from a friend, let alone someone from someone whom
you've never met.
See, we live in a society where most of our thoughts must be kept inside our heads. We live in a culture where fear of difference is immense, and we compensate for that fear by not revealing ourselves.
In actuality, though, we're a lot more similar than any of us believe, and the Internet represents an amazing opportunity for self-assurance. Black, white, male, female, straight, gay: We all long to know that our thoughts parallel someone else's. Being gay, that need to find someone with whom to identify is intensified, as it would seem that all around us hold opposing views.
A simplified example; a black child going to an all white school still returns home to a black family. He may feel different while at school, but he returns home to those similar to him. A gay child going to a seemingly all heterosexual school returns home to a heterosexual family. There's no one reassuring him that those taunts (if any) were ill-founded and there's no one saying, tacitly, that it's ok to be gay. Morever, many households and the media perpetuate the idea that being gay is wrong, so there's absolutely no place for him to feel comfortable.
In comes the Internet and online goes my life, by accident. I had no idea that in 1995 when I started my site (WAY before www and .com were household names) that it would grow in popularity and become a staple for some of its visitors. I had no idea that my simple chronicalling of a trip to the mall would begin something that isn't going to stop.
You're here, at my online diary, hopefully reading to find some kin to your own thoughts. It's here to show you that as complex as your life may be, mine has its complexities, too. It's here to show you that a guy can be gay without being political, feminine, dressing in drag, or being a bitch. In short, my life is here to show you that you're not alone.
©1999 - Justin Clouse