November 15, 2001 - Thursday
Well, I've stopped myself from writing this e-mail twice, but I really think you should know that cancelling on me at the last minute two days in a row sucks. Yeah, I know our plans weren't confirmed confirmed, but especially today, after you saying that I should just put off the party one more day, that if it was "tomorrow" you could do it, I figured you'd be here. I thought the e-mail sent early this morning was just a formality. On the phone, the response for which I was hoping was that you'd meet me after your trainer. Heck, I even offered to bring pizza over. You didn't have to do jack... but you still didn't want to do that.
So I don't know if you're trying to get under my skin because I said dating wasn't working out or what. I think you're a quality person and that's a rare find, but I really need my friends to be there for me... to say, "yeah, sure, come on over."
Wishing you would've said that,
Didn't mean to be pissy... well, not too pissy. ;-) I was just looking forward to seeing you last night and again tonight and I got let down twice.
|Ok Justin, here's the deal. The fact is that I have met someone, he's really great and we are both really 'in' to each other right now. I never meant to blow you off and no I would never be vindictive or try to get back at you over the dating thing...it was your choice to make and I respect that.|
Anyway, I met this guy online and we met a few times just as friends. But we just clicked sooo well and one thing lead to another. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think that I was seeing him while I was seeing you...truth be told, I met him a few days after you and I stopped dating. Second, (and this a purely selfish reason), I felt a little embarrassed (and cheap) about dating someone else just days after I stopped with you. But I really like him and I just did not want to lose the opportunity to be with him.
So I guess the short answer is yes I blew you off and that was pretty shallow of me. You know me well enough now to know how much I want to find that special person. I can't tell you if this will work out or not, but I had the opportunity to go out with him on Halloween night and last night and I took it.
That said, I don't want to lose you as a friend and I'm hoping you will cut me a little slack for my actions the past couple days and let me try to make it up to you.
I hope you will!!
I don't know where to start, but I know I'm disappointed... in myself and you. I'm disappointed and livid.
I actually thought you were a worthwhile person. I trusted you and wanted you to be part of my life. I told you how few people I allow in that space... AND YOU LIED TO ME... bold faced LIED. I'm sitting here in disbelief. Not just "I'm busy" lied, but you FUCKING made up some crap about your friend being in town and it being the last day and the trainer and being tired. Telling me that you wished you could be here, but that it was his last day. Cancelling on me at the last minute... now I presume because you were waiting to hear if your new guy was available. How DARE you fucking LIE to me! But I guess your life is one big lie, after all, isn't it? Sorta gets hard to tell what's what.
You wonder what a life of deception costs you. Here's one answer: me.
You could've told me that you met someone. It would've reillustrated just exactly why I said we should stop dating: amazing how you find all these perfect matches, isn't it? Us folks that have been out for years can't seem to do it, but you have the best luck... You're not into the guy; you're into the concept. Get out of denial.
You could've seen him while you and I were going out. We never were going steady... but to lie to me, big elaborative lie to me. To tell me that you wanted to be here, but just couldn't because you had to hang with your friend who was going out of town for months. I mean, I still sit here in disbelief.
Real emotions aren't based on the "opportunity." If he was a real match, you wouldn't have to see him every day to assure yourself of that place. I just can't believe you threw me away for some guy you met less than a week ago.
The other guy, hanging out with him, being lovesy dovesy with him, etc. That's all fine. I wouldn't have cared a bit. Elaboratively lying to me about it is not acceptable.
12:41AM - Technically November 16, 2001
November 18, 2001 - Sunday
November 20, 2001 - Tuesday
November 22, 2001 - Thursday - Thanksgiving
November 30, 2001 - Friday