I'm in much better spirits today. The e-mails did the trick. Just to further explain a little of what I was talking about: I did the calculations and I looked through roughly 2500 photos from the last four years. I ended up scanning just shy of 200. That's a lot of looking and a lot of scanning, and when you sorta think no body cares, it's like writing a term paper that isn't even going to be read by the professor.
Anyway, not all 200 will go online. I just wanted to get the 200 in a single place so that I could find the best 20. (Yes, I can appreciate the Narcissistic factor. *self-realizing grin* I'm certain it has something to do with my parents taking very few pictures during my childhood (and hardly none that weren't blurry Polaroids).)
June 28, 1999 - Monday
This morning I woke from a dream about Paul Rudd, Alicia Silverstone, and Dan Hedaya (the father) from Clueless. As best I can remember, and it's only been about ten minutes since I woke, after realizing that this wasn't the movie Clueless and that the characters were not the same (just the same collection of actors, playing similar parts... like some Clueless rip-off where the producer wouldn't have to pay the royalties), I somehow forgot that fact and became one of the players. It somehow, as only dreams can, went from knowledgeably created to real.
Anyway, in the "real" world, I was staying with Paul and desperately in love with him. (Don't know how I fell in love. I just was.) And he was after some girl (my sister, Alicia Silverstone, perhaps), and I was staying in the room with him and desperately wanting him to love me instead of her.
Then during this time, where I was sleeping over in Paul's room (still in love, but unconfessed to him), a Vanessa Redgrave (a la Gods and Monsters) was watching over us with a suspicious eye.
So, then I tell Paul that I'm gay and in love with him while he's laying back in my arms, on me, in an overly friendly (but not crossing the "friendly" line) way.
He doesn't take it great, but not bad, but instead says something about loving whomever that girl was, and out I run to go sleep on the couch.
The next thing I remember after that was being back in his room as he put on his clothes, and he was almost teasing me. His underwear (boxers) were hanging out the top of his khakis and his shirt was yet to be buttoned. After that, I remember telling him once again that I loved him (and at this time, I was starting to look more like Stephen Gately (of the boy band Boyzone)) and then it was playfully alright... and I woke up.
I'm one of those people that can attribute nearly everything I dream about to something that happened the day before or which has been on my mind. The Clueless and Gods And Monsters thoughts came from Larry asking me last night, just before falling asleep, if we had any DVD's here in La Jolla. I said no, but thought about the "previously viewed" videos I bought at Blockbuster on Saturday night... including Object of My Affection. The Gods And Monsters DVD is in LA.
As for the Stephen Gately connection, that's from reading about him coming out last week. Before that, I'd never heard of him or his boy band, Boyzone.
Put it all together... plus my crush on Paul Rudd, and what do you get? That dream. (Ya know, I actually watched this really "not great" movie called Overnight Delivery the other night on cable just to see him in it.)
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© 1999 Justin Clouse